Life

The truth exists independent of me or you. Whether I am good, bad, serious, humorous, reverent, irreverent, or anything else, does not change the truth. Of course, my attempts to reveal the truth may be flawed. Even though I am sincere, I could still be mistaken; just like anyone who attempts to translate thoughts, images, and divine truths into mere words. I believe I have received a communication from God, through my spirit, and through my mind. I cannot prove any of the truths revealed to me. I used to be a very skeptical person regarding spiritual matters. I could not blame you if you doubt the truth of my story. Perhaps for people like I used to be, it is necessary to have a first hand transcendent experience, before belief is possible. If I were to read my own story with my former eyes, I would probably attempt to explain it away. I might find the cosmological model presented to be superior to others of which I have heard, but would probably doubt its celestial origins. The experience I had was the last thing I expected. I went through my own list of possible alternative explanations, and found them wanting. For me, it was a unique experience. It managed to change my understanding of the universe, and my place in it, in an instant (actually, between half an hour and an hour).

Let's examine some of the explanations I considered.

Was it a dream? Well, I wasn't asleep, so that would seem to rule that out. Plus I've had many dreams in my life, and none of them were remotely similar to my revelation experience. I was able to write about my vision in considerable detail. It was much more like recording an actual experience than trying to recall a dream before it fades away in the morning light. It is now almost twenty years later, and I still remember it. I haven't had any other dreams that have profoundly influenced my life. Usually I don't remember dreams. No, I don't think it was a dream.

Was it a hallucination? Well, I've had a couple of those, and they never led to any new ideas, let alone any profound ones. When I had my experience, I was not under the influence of alcohol or any other drugs. I was not suffering from sleep deprivation or any other physical condition that might explain a hallucination.

The one time I attempted to write down a brilliant idea while intoxicated, I produced gibberish. No, I don't think it was a hallucination.

Did my subconscious mind create answers to my questions that would be acceptable to me? Perhaps. I really have no way of refuting that claim, even to myself. If it's possible for my subconscious mind to create such a complete and internally consistent cosmology, then how would I know if that were true? By definition, I was not consciously aware of it. However, I don't think so. Before my experience, I had nothing but doubts and fears. It would have been much simpler for my subconscious to draw upon my limited knowledge of religious matters and to help me become a believer of what I already knew. Why present me with a cosmological model that is different from anything I have ever heard of before? Wouldn't that merely trigger my intellectual skepticism in the cold light of the following day? It doesn't seem like a very good strategy for my subconscious to follow, in an effort to relieve my doubts and fears. Also, if my subconscious mind were prone to work in such a way, I would expect to have had at least one other such experience, some time in my life. After all, I have had very strong doubts and fears about several other subjects, and my subconscious never handed me a new world view on a silver platter in an effort to help me. No, I don't believe my subconscious mind provides a sufficient explanation of events.

What about the idea that I deliberately, and very consciously, set about designing a new cosmology to satisfy my own particular needs? To that accusation I say - why would I? After all, if I knew I had just made up the whole thing, then it certainly wouldn't help me with any of my doubts and fears. If I did it as an intellectual exercise, then why tell anyone? The intellectuals I have known, are a very skeptical bunch. I would expect them to attack my ideas from every direction, and of course, I have no proof of any of my claims. Apparently, you would have to think that not only wasn't I concerned with my own internal misgivings, but was also willing to expose myself to ridicule were I to reveal my ideas. At least so far, that hasn't been the case, but I had no way of knowing what the reactions would be. No, I have nothing to gain, and much to lose by sharing my experience with anyone.

Was it a communication from the devil? That's a good one. It assumes the existence of an evil supernatural being, and that my revelation experience really happened, but did not come from God. Why, I could use that same argument against anyone else claiming divine origins of their beliefs. Perhaps the authors of the bible were being misled. How could I be sure? Am I supposed to believe that divine revelations happened in the distant past, but don't occur any more? One person I spoke with told me that I wouldn't have a divine revelation that didn't match what is in the bible. I wasn't sure what to say to that argument, except that I did have a revelation, and it didn't match what is in the bible. If I believe God was the source of my revelation, then how could I accept any other source before it? If the devil was indeed responsible, then how would I know? Presumably the devil is clever enough for such a deception, except why bother in my case? After all, I was already an unbeliever. If you don't believe in God, then hasn't the devil already won? Plus, if the devil were responsible, wouldn't the content of my revelation lead me in the direction of evil and not towards truth, love, and forgiveness? Actually, the devil was included in my revelation, and if he were the source, I think he would cast himself in a better light. And finally, if the source was the devil, then why not take a much simpler approach, and avoid constructing a whole new cosmology? No, I don't believe the devil was the source of my vision.

Could my meditation techniques have led to a form of self-hypnosis. I suppose so. Again, I'm not sure how I could tell the difference. But even if I were practicing self-hypnosis, my mind would still have to spontaneously create an entire internally consistent cosmology. I'm a little skeptical of that idea. I know many people practice self-hypnosis, and I haven't heard anything about religious transformations coming from such practices. You would think that if my own personal techniques were prone to lead to spontaneous creative acts, that I would have had more than one such experience.

Could I be using a clever idea to seek notoriety? Well, considering I had the experience almost twenty years ago, and I've only shared it with a few people, I guess I'm not very good at seeking notoriety. I can't even remember exactly when it happened. If you think I'm just doing this deliberately, why not just make up a date, time, and place? Who would know? The truth is that those details just weren't important to me at the time. The fact that I don't know them now, doesn't add anything to my story, and just plants another element of doubt. I must indeed be a strange creature. I am clever enough to make all this up for my own secret ends, but so obtuse I haven't been able to figure out what to do with it for years and years. No, I don't think that's a reasonable conclusion regarding my motivations.

The truth is, I expect the majority of people to fall into two camps, those who already have religious ideas they believe in, and those who don't. Among those who don't, I expect the majority to be as unaccepting of my ideas as they have been of all the other religious beliefs in the world, or to be just as unconcerned with the whole subject. There was nothing in my revelation about sharing it with anyone. It could very well be that anyone out there who would welcome my views, wouldn't accept them unless they had their own personal revelation. My hope is that if there are people out there who are looking for answers, and that haven't been satisfied with the more commonly known religious truths, they will consider what was given to me. I hope there are a number of people who might not have their own revelation, but can appreciate truth when they hear it, even if it seems fundamentally different from what they have heard before.

I just didn't want the ideas contained in my vision to be lost. It could be some time before someone else manages to see the truths I have described for themselves. Now that I have a small child that is beginning to ask questions about life, death, and other difficult subjects, I decided I should attempt to clearly state my ideas. Thus far my words fall short of capturing the concepts that were loaded into my mind. I almost used that as an excuse for not writing any more, and for destroying what I had already written. It would certainly be easier to just forget the whole thing, except I can't forget what is now a part of me. My wife and a couple of close friends, convinced me to do my best to get the ideas down on paper. They pointed out that once the ideas are written down, that many people could help with the editing, and possibly the re-writing that is necessary. They could ask questions and I could include clarifications. The one thing that I have to provide is the content of my revelation. My understanding has grown over the years, and I assume it will continue to do so. I am a little hesitant to write anything down that hasn't fully matured. Of course, there is no way to know when that has happened. If my interpretation of my revelation changes, I'll just have to explain the change as best I can. It is important to remember that the truth was filtered through my individual soul, and through my limited mind. I certainly make no claims of perfection. As it is, I have only reached the point where I feel my ideas are barely worth sharing. If the reader meets me half way, and seeks to find the truth behind my words, without looking at them under a microscope, then they may find value there. If people can find any truth at all in my words then I will have been successful.

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